I WON!

I did it! I didn't believe it. The last hour I was more asleep than awake and my mind was not working properly. Turns out it would have been enough in the official word counter without this crazy hour. But it was so great and I won't complain. Wrote an astonishing dream sequence since I realized when almost asleep and unable to think straight writing dream sequences is the best I can do. It was fun. Crazy, but fun!

Tracklist Update once more

San Cisco - Awkward

Tracklist #2

Almost no time left to win and what do I do? Post an addition to the tracklist.
That's the spirit! ^^

Maike Rosa Vogel - Where we meet (feat. Konstantin Gropper)

And no, I didn't realize until this very moment, where I wrote his name that I realized OMG he is "Get Well Soon". Interesting, that it has nothing to do with Get Well Soon that I found this song.

Second addition:
Caribou - Odessa

Something changed

The story was supposed to be the story about a woman trying to become a better mother for her troubled kids. Somehow it became a more political story, more action oriented, and the kids trouble mysteriously disappeared into hyperspace. And so many other aspects were forgotten... I have quite a lot of work to do after the first draft is written. Like: Almost writing every single page new... at least I have an outline and know what I forgot to include in the first place... hopefully.

Epic length

No, sadly not my Camp NaNoWriMo Project which is far behind. Too far probably.
I now see my biggest problem so clear, like always and then I activate ignore-mode again...
Everything I start develops an epic length (in theory) and so I never manage to actually FINISH a first draft.
I mean come on, I worked on my last project for over a year, on this project 8 months... and the end is not near. Not even much closer.
I think I do something wrong.

Way behind

Job and University are very demanding at the moment. I fell way behind.
But I have a new song for my track list: Odessa - Caribou

And I'm highly motivated to finish not only this but another story and go back working to my big project. All in July. I'm crazy, I know.

35846

1727 on a day like that. Not that bad.

2/3 of the months are over - Crisis

I feel like the story is going nowhere. I feel like I shouldn't have abandoned my much more promising project in November to start this one. I needed the break, I didn't feel ready for the story, still I don't feel ready. But at the moment it is hard to say if that is true since I feel like I'm horrible at writing itself and unable to produce words in a manner that would satisfy even... oh I don't know who. I just suck.
I wish I would be able to tell my stories in the way they deserve. The ideas are there, but my writing just won't get better. Worse actually what is really really depressing.
So enough self-pity for a day. I stop write here and try to get at least a few paragraphs done.

Unexpected surreal everyday stuff

Amazing, I'm writing a scene that is such an everyday scene but so surreal it really surprises me. Orla's reactions and thoughts are priceless!
And I like Ruben's advice. She should definitely watch more good comedies.

Any suggestion what comedy they could watch. For now it is something including space ships. I either need a real comedy which would be kind of cool, but a really good one (!) or a interesting name for a future film director (female).

Cast Update!!!

I updated this Updated Cast List

Playlist so far

Milo Greene - 1957 acoustic
Get well soon - You Aurora You Seaside
Mumford and Sons - Home

Romance, Musical,...? Whatever. ^^

So you know what? My novel is turning into a f***ing romance. I do not write romance. I do not like romance. I do not care for romance.
But that is not all. Now my characters sing. For the second time. The just f***ing sing because... heck I don't even know. They are such tormented souls they can only connect through music. And since the story plays in the future they are fans of oldies. How convenient for me.
So last time Orla and Edan sang: 4nonblondes-what's up
Now Orla with a memory of Edan playing the guitar years ago in the same spot sings alone until she kind of forces Ruben and Saffron to sing with her. They sing Mumford and Sons' "Home".
Now you know what music I was listening to.
Why Orla did not sing Get Well Soon's "You/Aurora/You/Seaside" which I heard in between will remain a mystery to me. Although one could argue she may have probably sung it while she was completely drunk and out of her mind and like so many things she is unable to remember this part of the night.

Orla is supposed to be a comic artist. A wannabe-artist would describe it better. And while her ability to see animals in codes is very important for the plot and Ruben f***cking saved her comic from being destroyed with the rest of her belongings when the spaceship exploded she did not even care to draw a single thing since the beginning of the story. Instead she now sings.

Where is this going to end. Oh yes I f***cking know. In bed. But no, not the way you may think. I'm not writing romance and I'm certainly not writing porn. But it is an interesting question which of the two I would write would I have to choose.

Count my words

This free script provided by JavaScript Kit

How cool is that? Now thanks to realizing the page I used for my word counts actually was aimed to give people the ability to include a wordcount to their own page, I have my own word count machine now. Yay!

Bio Template

Gail Carriger's fill-in-the-blank author bio:

[Name/Pseudonym] lives in [City] where she pretends to be a [pithy comment on boring day job] when she would rather be writing. She spends her free time [standard hobby] and [less standard hobby]. She also likes to [quirky and slightly off base skill – like fencing or black belt in some martial art]. She lives with a [tolerant, saintly, long-suffering] husband/wife/partner and two [witty descriptor] [cats/children] and a [dog/garden].

Tante Helga lives in Dream's Realm where she pretends to be a fairy and really does magic so that she actually has time to write. How she does that will always remain a fairy secret. (No not again a Barbie movie reference, what the heck is wrong with me?) In her free time she curses while doing stuff for discrete math. A subject she absolutely loves to hate. Or hates to love. Depending on the perspective. She also likes physics even though she sucks at it. She lives with a baby dragon who never sleeps and now realizes it is a reference to a novel she has been working on for years. It is the rule of 4 and 7, or so they say. Asked about it she wouldn't comment instead she burst out laughing like the crazy person she actually is.

First Draft Issues

I just realized I forgot a whole bunch of events leading up to another event and now I pretend the events actually happened in the story although not written yet, so that I can carry on and do not have to stop and write those scenes. Although I do suspect I will write them before the story goes into a complete different direction.

Forever in our hearts and minds!

I just found out Ray Bradbury died and it breaks my heart. I'm sitting here crying.

"Throughout his life, Bradbury liked to recount the story of meeting a carnival magician, Mr. Electrico, in 1932. At the end of his performance Electrico reached out to the twelve-year-old Bradbury, touched the boy with his sword, and commanded, Live forever! Bradbury later said, I decided that was the greatest idea I had ever heard. I started writing every day. I never stopped." RayBradbury.com

We will let you live forever! Promise!

Cast and Character

Finally I'm done! (Update: 16.06.2012)

While I first thought I was only procrastinating when I decided to do a possible cast list of my draft that may never become a movie anyway (inspired by the forums at NaNoWriMo) it turns out it helped me out a lot. Really thinking about which actor/actress would fit my characters told me so much more about them. They gained so much personality (they were lacking and I didn't know what to do to make them show me who they actually are) in the process.
I even found interesting minor characters appearing out of nowhere and I still have a list of actors and actresses I would like to give a role in my book. ^^

Anyway I will also use this to tell you more about the characters. So here we go, after that you will know so much more and so will I.

First a short synopsis, so that you know what I am talking about:
After arriving on Mars in the first part Orla now has to find a way to prevent both her brother Edan and her best friend Kayode from dying. Problem is: what saves the one will kill the other.
She also has to find a way to cope with her past and (still like in part 1) find a way to become a better mother for her daughters.

Orla
My main character Orla was a Mars-born living on Earth in the first part of the novel. She has two daughters Brianna (6) and Talulah (3) and is divorced from Brogan, an Earth-born lawyer who came to Mars in his youth and went to school with Orla.
Orla has a difficult relationship with her parents and siblings (brothers Edan and Liam) who are all born on Mars and all still live on Mars. For her the colony was to small and she couldn't wait to leave Mars. First she studied biosynthetics like her father years earlier and her best friend Teresa.
She is very insecure and unconfident and blames her childhood. Her parents had difficulties showing her she was worth anything and too often showed her how unsatisfied they were with her.
Like her mother Orla managed to get pregnant while on vacation Mars while studying and therefor was forced to stay there until she gave birth to Brianna. She and Brogan returned to Earth were they eventually split up while Orla was pregnant with their second daughter.
Orla changed her subject to Com-Technology (the com being the ultimate device that makes mobiles, netbooks and other stuff obsolete and works as an ID) but is studying rather slow and believing she will never finish her degree.
Brogan – after years of being a weekend-dad – decided it is best for the girls to not longer live with their mother who has financial troubles and is stressed-out by the girls constantley. He wants to move them to a different country where they will have a higher standard of living.
In the first part of the story Orla loses her home, has to give up her daughters to Brogan and his fiancee Flore and finds out the only way to get money she is entitled to as compensation as a Mars-born is to actually go back to her childhood-youth-hell and face her past. Without the money she has no chance of seeing her daughters in the next couple of years. As a part of the deal of giving up her daughters – she plans on fighting Brogan in court later and it is far too complicated to explain why the situation exactly turned out to be like that and it would include major spoilers – Brogan allows her to take the kids with her and spent a month with them while he and Flore manage the relocation.
Orla is a vegan.
Orla should be played by:
– Tina Majorino
2
3

Teresa
Teresa and Orla met while studying biosynthetics. They soon got involved with activists fighting for the independence of Mars. When they met Kayode they also joined him in his fight. The country they live in was taken over after the great nuclear war. They want the power over the country to be given back to its original inhabitants. Teresa started becoming less involved when she started a research career. The topic she is working on is however of great importance not only for the activists but also for a social revolution.
In the beginning of the story Kayode and Teresa break up since he is getting involved in more militant activism and both he and Teresa have difficulties living with the choices the other is making. She wants to join Orla on Mars since her funding is cut in a month and it is her last chance to make some experiments in the Mars environment which could either lead to a break-through or a complete failure. Although she herself does not really care about it, she can be described as really beautiful.
Teresa says the things exactly as she sees them and some people would describe this at harsh. She sees no value in not telling people the complete truth as she sees it. She does not easily fall in love but has a certain charm that makes her even more attractive.
Teresa is a vegan.
A friend suggested Kate Mara (2, 3) who indeed would be an even better Teresa then my old choice Ruth Bradley although she would have been a great choice too.

Edan
Orlas younger brother joined the military after finishing school. He does not share his sisters values. He does not really plan on staying in military service for long and hates it that he has to go to Earth to a mission in the colonies. The unsafest place on both Earth and Mars. He loves his life on Mars and wants to spend his life in the colony on Mars. He is very introverted when it comes to feelings while maintaining an extroverted persona and having many friends. Like Orla (and Brianna and Brogan and Malachy) he does not let anyone get too close. Shortly after her arrival on Mars Orla finds out he has health problems which he is hiding.
He should definitely be played by:
– Shiloh Fernandez

Liam
Orlas youngest brother is about to finish school. He is rather lazy. Although sharing Edans values in every area they seem to hate each other. Like Orla he also has problems with Malachy who as it seems has no high hopes for his future. He is kind of unfocussed but usually has the heart on the right place when given enough time to think.
A friend suggested Evan Peters
Much more fitting than my choice that I made becuase I just wouldn't find a fitting actor: Hutch Dano

Malachy
Malachy Payne is Orlas father. Almost no word leaves his mouth without sarcasm. Malachy once was a great researcher that lost the only project he ever cared about and is now stuck with menial labour and doing more bueraucratic work than actual research. He oversees the life support system of the colony which mainly consists on writing reports. He was very young when he became a father. Malachy seems very unhappy and has given up his only joy, painting, years ago. No one knows why or even seems to remember he actually painted despite Orla. He gives his family a hard time and must be considered an alcoholic although most of the family is in denial. Although he gives his children the feeling they are failures he is not indifferent to them. He is very fond of his granddaughters put at times displeased by the way Orla raised them.
He never speaks about how he feels and is almost unable to show love.
Malachy gave me a hard time to find him the right actor so here are my thoughts on him.
And my new and final choice:
- Callum Keith Rennie
He is a better choice than Hugh Laurie who I thought would be a better fit then Jude Law who is too young and has a too soft touch for Malachy.
Other actors I thought about: Ed O'Neill – I decided against him because he is too old for the role or he would definitely be my first choice, Clive Owen – I decided against him because considering Closer Jude Law seemed to be the more fitting choice. Kevin Spacey was an intriguing option too. Or Mark Derwin. Or Jon Hamm. Billy Crudup was suggested by a friend and may be a better choice then most of my alternative choices.)

Rosalie
Rosalie, like Malachy, gave up a lot throughout the years. After the children got older she tried to pursue a career in politics. She ended up doing politics in her freetime and has trouble finding work since she didn't finish university. She is very unsatisfied with her life and is afraid her marriage – that was always troubled – is falling apart.
– Laura Linney

Callista
Callista is a childhood friend of Orla. They had a troubled friendship that ended badly when Callista was indirectly responsible for Orla getting into trouble with the law. Orla suspects that something happend to her in her childhood and she failed her by never trying to find out what instead always keeping a certain distance. (What Orla still does when it comes to relationships.)
- Kelly Thiebaud

Palmira, Callista's mother
As a kid Orla always felt uneasy in her presence. She seemed to be obsessed with hygiene and spoke about sex despite the Callista and Orla being quite young at the time. She welcomed Callista entering puberty very early and found Orla needed to become interested in boys while Orla herself yet had no interest.
Rosalie seems to hate her and Orla is trying to figure out why and how she is connected to Malachy who Orla thought never had much contact to their neighbor.
Actress of my choice:
– Helena Bonham Carter

Brianna – Savannah Paige Rae
Brianna is the older of Orlas daughter. She often prefers Brogan and Flore to Orla. She is exceptionally bright and seems to be very old for her young age what usually makes it hard for Orla to remember how yound and needy she actually still is. She has difficulty dealing with morally ambiguous situations. She keeps a huge emotional distance to both her parents and may or may not have Aspergers. (Orla and Brogan have not considered it so far, but I have.)

Talulah – Mia Talerico
Talulah is the younger and quirkier one, usually getting on Briannas nerves. She is very short tempered. But she is caring and can be very sweet. She is sensitive and empathic.

Ruben
He went to school with Orla and she had a crush on him for a very long time. So did her cousin Saffron who had an ongoing affair with him that made none of them happy. She wanted more, he didn't care about her at all. He claims he does not care about anything else but himself. He is a cynic and not unlike in the case of Malachy it is usually hard for Orla to tell if he is being serious or not. (Since Brogan has this streak too at times you may see a pattern here.) However Ruben seems to always help out when he can since he and Orla met again although he is sighing and complaining about it a lot and almost seems to enjoy to disappear. He is not interested in peoples emotional trouble and hates every form of drama and everything that could slightly be considered as drama. He is very distant and obviously like most of my characters emotionally disturbed.
He must be played by him:
– Domhnall Gleeson
2

Hilaire
While in school he was involved in mobbing Orla and deeply regrets his past. He became a rather buttoned-up buisnessman who tries to strictly follow regulations. He has travel organisation specialiesed in space travel and owns quite a few space ships. But his organisation has financial difficulties.
While not being conservative he is overly polite and very formal. Orla believes he has a crush on Teresa. Hilaire is not the bravest but the most righteous. And even though he does not know it himself he actually enjoys being forced to leave his comfort-zone.
It took me very long to find this guy, but yes, this is how I imagine Hilaire: (plus there ar 4s and 7s in the link)
– Henry Cavill

Michiko - Kyoko Fukada
Not much is known about Michiko despite Orla having a crush on her. Michiko is very kind person and very diplomatic. She is very close to Nadja and obviously involved in something big that Orla has not figured out. She was involved in the smuggeling of goods from Earth but in Orlas opinion can't be a regular smuggler.

Brogan - Hayden Christensen
Brogan was very young when he and Orla became parents. He found family to be to big a distraction from his goal of becoming a lawyer. He is more conservative than Orla and her friends and fears his daughters are mixing with the wrong crowed being taught the wrong values.
He is very bright and calm, and has the ability to convince people of his arguments with very little effort. He is able to make you believe you wanted what he wanted you to want even before the argument started. He wants only the best for his daughters and believes it is the relocation to another country where they have a brighter future. He does consider Orla a bad influence even though he may not want to believe this himself. He is very strict.

Flore – Karine Vanasse
Like Brogan she is a workaholic. She does however want a family but without compromising. She is a passionate person. She does deeply care for Brianna and Talulah despite them not being her children. Like Brogan she believes Orla made far too many mistakes in raising the girls and fears she is unable to cope with their demands and unable to give them what they need.

Kayode – Sinqua Walls
An activist who after years of work is ready to take more militant action since their effort lead to little success in the past. Since the situation is getting worse for the oppressed former population of their country that was taken over years ago he sees no other way. He broke up with Teresa since she does not make the planned revolution her only priority. But he still cares for her. Kayode is one of Orlas closest friends and unlike Teresa Orla has a better understanding for his choice to join the militant resistance.

Saffron – Lena Dunham
Orlas Cousin, almost sister considering their closeness. Saffron is a great doctor, doing important research. She has trouble when it comes to relationships since she is still hung up on Ruben in a way. Like Orla she recently returned to Mars. She needs to be loved and feels alone and isolated when not loved. Not having had a meaningful relationship in years made her bitter. She can however be fun to be with and has a very big heart.

Sadie, Saffron's little sister - Ana Lucasey
A minor role. Sadie is the same age as Liam. They go to school together. The fundraiser ball was mainly organized by her and a commitee she chose. She is rather quirky and a bit superficial.

Sierra, Liam's dance partner at the ball – Shailene Woodley
No one knows why she and Liam are even going and dancing on the ball together. Liam is not considered handsome or popular and Sierra usually considers him unworthy. Sierra on the other hand is very unlikeable, always complaining, always wanting everything going her way, horribly bossy. She will welcome Orla with „Well, aren't you dressed like a slut?“ at the fundraiser while knowing that she is her dates sister. She planned most of the stuff at the fundraiser. Her plans however were realized by the commitee surprisingly since they are not on good terms with Sierra.

Dayo – Pam Grier
A famous Com-technologist and hacker. Despite not taking Orla serious at first she becomes her mentor. She is quickly annoyed when someone has trouble following her explainations.

Serena – Danielle Harris
Serena is working for the security of the colony. Because of a mistake Orla made in the past Serena believes her to be a total failure who deserves their pity. She really does not think much of Orla, not taking her serious at all.

Nadja - Joséphine de La Baume
Close friend of Michiko – possible lover – who is very suspicious of Orla and thinks she is only trouble.

Kyle - Taylor Kitsch
A friend of Ruben Orla meets at the fundraiser ball and he later is her only alibi after she is suspected to have something to do with sabotaging the life support system of the colony.

I feel bad for Orla

"For one moment she had actually believed she was good at something."
That is the last sentence I just wrote.

That made me realize at what point of her life she actually is.
- She feels she fails miserably as a mother.
- She was forced to give up her beloved children and in one month they will be gone and she has no idea when she will see them again.
- She has no idea if or when she will be able to finish her education.
- She has lost everything she owned on Earth when the spaceship exploded. Regarding physical stuff that is connected to memories of her life in the past 7 years there is nothing left.
- Her older daughter is harbouring a secret she fears to be very dark and although she tries she is unable to connect with her.
- She allowed Ruben to leave behind a man to die. Which he did for the sake of her daughter.
- Many people died and she did care about some of them.

And let us not forget:
Not even 24 hours ago her kids, her best friend and she almost died.

But hey, it's going good so far, I'm still on schedule which I did not expect and I have my cast list (procrastination!) almost done so it won't take up to much of my precious writing time.

Still I have work to do. Discrete Mathematics to be concrete.

Why did I choose the title "Straßen Graben"?

Since I won't be able to give you a cast list today, (Just in case my crappy draft will ever be a novel that will be made into a movie... inspired by the NaNo Forums.) I'll tell you why the novel is called "Straßen graben". Actually it is "Straßen graben 2: Die Kolonie." But let's start with the title of the series.

"Straßengraben" is german for roadside ditch. "Straßen" is german for streets and "graben" is german for "to dig". "Graben" is german for "ditch".
So in German it can mean both roadside ditch and digging streets.

The reason is Malachy Payne. Father of Orla with whom she has a very troubled relationship.
Malachy, while studying, worked for the company that was building the streets on Mars. Expecially those outside the colony.
The motive of the street that Malachy built and Orla is travelling appears throughout the novels.
Another reason is the dream sequence the first novel starts with. Orla sees her father Malachy lying in the roadside ditch of a street outside the colony.

And now for "Straßen Graben 2: Die Kolonie."
"Die Kolonie" is simply "the colony". The reason for the title is that they arrived in the colony in the previous part and most of the novel plays inside or on the outside of the colony on Mars.